My Lovely Man and I make plans sometimes... they are pretty much always the same... a wedding, a home, a fireplace in winter, children running in a garden, friends for Sunday brunch... Sometimes we allow ourselves to be braver... to feel less hemmed in by our responsibilities to our children and their other parent.... and we talk about long rail journeys and mountains and a Whole Other Life in places we can't live right now.
But for the most part, we are infinitely 'sensible', you know...
I think it's the fear of fucking up again that keeps us that way... we turn around and look back at our twenties and think, "There's no room for mistakes this time." Better not rush, better not get carried away, better not make fools of ourselves again.
But it's no fun...I love him like crazy and I want to be with him... I want Our Life and I don't want to wait an age for it to begin.
We are lucky enough that Our Life already has three fantastic little kids in it... So why aren't we getting on with it? It's just The Fear, that's all... it's the Not Knowing of it all...
How long are you supposed to wait? What is the proper amount of time? Do we have to wait until friends starts saying things like, "Come on, you two, what are you waiting for?" I wonder if really it's other people's approval we're waiting for.
All I am sure of for now is that mornings waking up without him seem wasted...
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